I’m stuck. Stagnant, stymied, caught, going nowhere, and doing nothing. The first couple weeks I was home there was a flurry of activity; I was applying like crazy to anywhere and everywhere I was qualified to work in Tokyo. There were sleepless nights spent drafting cover letters and revising resumes, afternoon interviews and many carefully worded emails sent. Now I’m in the waiting stage. As much work as the application process was (I think I applied to around 20 jobs), this waiting portion is more difficult.
I’ve been in talks with primarily one company over the last couple of weeks. I found out they contacted my references, and they’ve held a couple interviews with me. They’ve got great benefits, a solid program, and a schedule that fits with my needs and interests. In a nutshell: a good match. About a week and a half ago I had an intensive interview with their recruiting director, and she informed me at the end of the interview that within a few weeks, she would review my information with the president of their company, and then contact me with information about available positions should I “pass” his or her inspection. The next day I got an email from the director detailing the job I applied for – a position in West Tokyo. Packets of information regarding everything one could need to move to Japan were included. Also included in the email was a line stating clearly that it was not an offer, but if I was interested in the position, I’d be recommended for the job to the owner of the establishment (who I suppose gets the final say).
This email was sent to me at about 4:00 PM Japan time on a Friday afternoon – right before the company’s holiday break. I emailed back immediately stating I was interested, but I won’t get any kind of reply until they’re back in the office on the 4th. So, I wait.
In the meantime, I’ve been trying (and failing) to keep busy around home. The world has slowed to a crawl here at my house. We had a grey Christmas a few days ago, but the planet chose to give us some snow a couple days later.
The snow puts a damper on all sound. It feels like the world around my house has paused; everything has come to a standstill. It’s funny how time seems to slow down when all you want it to do is speed up! I’ve lost all concept of a normal human rhythm – my sleep patterns are non-existent, and I lay awake at night trying to think of any and all possibilities surrounding my future. It’s exhausting! I know it’s fruitless, but I can’t seem to turn off my brain anymore. So if any friends see me online late at night, say hi, because I’m likely very, very bored and seeking something to distract me (I’m usually up until 7 these days).
Last night I laid awake thinking about how I just needed something positive. A growing sense of apathy has been dragging me down quite a bit, and I wanted something to pick me up; something to prove that I was moving forward and making progress. I was very surprised this morning to wake up and find it:
Finally! I deferred graduation to do the internship, and have been waiting to see that “Awarded” word on this page for a long, long time. Seeing this was just what I needed. Limbo may suck, but at least I can still get a degree while I’m here.